Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize