yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
