in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
