There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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