It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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