Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
