But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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