I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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