he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
