Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
