i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Randomize
