how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
