I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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