Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
