I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
