you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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