last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
