i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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