..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
