Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize