Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
