1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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