So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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