I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I checked into jail on foursquare
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize