So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
