I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
