There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
