Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
