watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
