Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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