I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize