also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
