we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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