I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
