Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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