I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
