I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
