Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
