please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize