The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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