i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
