Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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