i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
