so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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