Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
