was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
