the condom got lost in my hair
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
