Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
