i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
