I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
