Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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