I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
