My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
