no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
