I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
