Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
