so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
