i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
