So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Randomize
