so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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