I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
