Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
