I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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