Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
