super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My ass is underappreciated
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
