I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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