I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
