so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
