Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
