yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize