saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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