Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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