Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
